


Letters to Dean

by kisahawklin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Behind-the-scenes Sam/Eileen, Epistolary, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-02-06 06:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12811185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin/pseuds/kisahawklin
Summary: Oh man, they all sent along letters and video and voicemails and... there's so much.





	1. Bobby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GertieCraign](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GertieCraign/gifts).
  * Inspired by [S.N.A.F.U.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463555) by [GertieCraign](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GertieCraign/pseuds/GertieCraign). 
  * Inspired by [My Dean Calls Me 'Brother' - Full Series for Download](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11861757) by [GertieCraign](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GertieCraign/pseuds/GertieCraign). 



> This is a companion piece to GertieCraign's delightful [My Dean Calls Me 'Brother' series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/740427). At the end, AU!Dean, Sam, and Bobby have sent along letters, voicemails, DVDs, pictures... so much. And I can't help wondering what those letters would say (besides "wake up, ya idjit"). Thus, these. Hope you like them, GertieCraign! Thanks for such an inspiring story. <3

Dear Dean.

Shit, sounds like I'm writing a damn thank you note. Well, I'm not. You're a pain in my ass and always have been. And now I'm gonna set you straight if it's the last thing I do.

I watched you grow up into a good man, and then into a good husband, and then that other Castiel appeared and now I'm wondering where the hell I went so wrong. 

Because Dean, I know you, my boy. And you love him something fierce. I know I never did teach you how to show that proper, but you boys always seemed to do alright despite it. 

That Cas, he told me some things. He told me some things you did, and Sam did, and I know things are hard there – way harder than they are on this side. And I'm thankful for it, believe you me. 

But no matter how hard things are, Dean, you gotta love that angel. And do it right. Because he's hurting so bad with wanting you. And that's not fair to him. I can see it in the stories he tells me about you. It's obvious to anyone with eyes or ears that you love him, so why the hell ain't you done anything about it?

Now listen up. I know this is probably the last letter you read. I know that because I know I'm dead over there, and I know you miss me. That's fine, I get it. I would miss you too, if you were gone. But if this is the last letter you read and nothing has convinced you to grab that angel by the lapels and plant one on him, then I am telling you right now, boy, you better do that. 

RIGHT NOW. The rest of this here letter will wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

All right. I know you just flipped the page and didn't go kiss him, and that's fine, for now. I got a few other things to tell you. But mark my words boy, if you get to the end of this letter and you haven't kissed that angel, I swear to God almighty my doppelganger is going to come down from Heaven to tan your hide.

Something else you need to know: Sam's unhappy.

I got Cas to tell me all the things he didn't want to tell Dean, because he needed to tell someone, and Dean was already grieving the love of his life, and it wasn't fair to lay all that on him.

But the stories he told me about you and your brother, Dean, I oughta come with him and slap you silly myself. You cut that boy some slack, and you remember he's your kin and you love him and want him to be happy.

You got a duty, I get that. You can do that just fine without getting hard, son. I know what it looks like when you build up that outer shell, the one that you use to keep all your squishy feelings in and other people out. Sounds like it's pretty much rock hard at this point, and Sam's busting his head open trying to get in.

So after you kiss your angel, I want you to tell Sam something he doesn't know about your emotional state. 

Yeah, I said "emotional state" and your brother's the one that taught me that, so don't go laughing. You've got a tendency toward depression, Dean, and I know that running face-first into danger ain't much more than attempted suicide by monster. Sam knows it too, but he can't help unless you ask for help. So you man up and tell him.

Let me tell you a little bit about what happened on this side of the fence when Dean finally fell in love with that angel. He let go. He let go of all those defenses that made him so angry all the time. He let go of the short leash he had on Sam because it was the only way he could demonstrate how he felt about his brother. 

Sam met a wonderful woman and married her. And he went back to school. And Dean was happy for him. Because Dean could let him go without loneliness overwhelming him. You got that, dumbo? Cas isn't just the love of your life, he's the one that saves Sam's life. He is necessary for BOTH of you.

And judging by the absolute mess this Castiel was when he got here, he's a dumbshit too, so you gotta be the brave one here, okay? Now I'm serious. You set this letter down, find wherever that angel is, and tell him you've been in love with him since the day you first met. I'm not kidding, son. Believe me, if you don't, I'll know.

Take care of yourself, Dean, or I will personally find a way to open the rift and come kick your ass.

Love,  
Bobby


	2. Sam

Hey Dean.

I'm not really sure how to start this letter. I… don't know who you are. Not really. I have a hard time reconciling a Dean without a Cas, and some of the things I've heard about you, well… I can't really imagine them.

I know Sam loves you no matter what, because that's how I feel about my Dean, and judging by the stories Cas has told me about myself, I recognize my tendency to go overboard because I don't know what the hell I'd do without you. 

So moving forward in that general direction, I need to tell you a few things. 

1\. Don't be an idiot about Cas. He obviously loves you desperately, and I'm pretty sure you love him too. I don't know what the fuck happened in that universe, but denying yourself that for ANY reason is just stupid. It hurts you, it hurts him, I'm pretty sure it hurts me too, because let me tell you, I have never felt more pain in my life than I did when I watched my Dean grieve his Cas. So I'm probably over there rolling my eyes at you behind your back, like, constantly. I probably sprained them and now they're stuck cross-eyed.

2\. Tell Sam. Tell him everything, Dean. I don't know why you two stopped communicating, but I can tell you it only makes things worse. After I came back from Hell, one of the first things my Dean told me was that he called me to try and set things right before I set Lucifer free. That's not what I heard on the voicemail. I heard Dean tell me I was a monster and that he was going to kill me. If Cas is right, and our universes were actually the same up until they diverged, then that's what your Sam heard, too, and I'm guessing he probably still thinks you wanted to kill him. Set that shit straight. And everything else, while you're at it. Tell him how you're really feeling. He can help. I know you can be happy like my Dean. All it took was Cas. So love him, and let him love you, and things will get so much better.

3\. While you're talking to Sam about things, maybe talk to him about Eileen? Cas has probably told you already, but Eileen and I are very happy here, we're married and our first child is on the way. I know Eileen died over there, and maybe your Sam hadn't quite fallen in love with her yet, but if he's anything like me, he liked her a lot, and was well on his way. So he could probably use someone to talk to about her. From what Cas told me, Sam hasn't really been able to mourn anybody over there, and you make it harder for him when you pretend to be all right and you're not, so please stop.

4\. The next time your lives aren't absolute shit, take some time off. You've suffered a hell of a lot of losses, and I don't think you've really dealt with any of them. Please take a minute and let yourself breathe. Sam too – it sounds like he hasn't been able to grieve either.

5\. I guess all of this is really just the same thing, in a bunch of different ways: take care of yourself. Take care of Cas, and take care of Sam. And let them take care of you, too. You don’t have to do it all, Dean. Let them help you. Let them love you, too.

I hope you figure it out, man. Part of me kind of hates you for how broken Cas was. But most of me loves you and hopes you can fix things and be happy. You deserve to be happy, Dean. You always have. Let yourself believe it.

Sam


	3. Dean

He won't tell me.

Cas won't tell me what you did. He won't tell me what he did, either, but it doesn't matter. I know there isn't anything Cas could do that would make me love him any less. It's impossible. 

That means you did something yourself, and you think you don't deserve Cas.

Well, maybe you don't deserve him. Spending time with your Cas… he's just as amazing as mine. I know he says he did some bad stuff, but honestly, it doesn't matter. He did it for you. Whatever it is, I know he did it for you. And that don't make it right, I get that, but you gotta forgive him that because he's an idiot where you're concerned and I know you've done stupid stuff for him too. 

And forgive yourself, while you're at it. You were an asshole, fine. So was he. You did stupid things because you couldn't say the words 'I love you.' Fine. But it's time to stop being a dumbass, because when you do it, when you say those words? Everything in your life will change for the better. You can't even imagine how much.

And listen, I know how much that scares the shit out of you. It scares the shit out of me still, but I tell Cas every day. I mean. Well yeah. I still do, even though he's not here. 

So here's the thing. My Cas is gone. He died. I… I would give anything to keep any Cas. And I tried, I won't even lie. I tried to get your Cas to stay. I know he's not my Cas, but he's got all the important parts. And I think he might even love me, Not as much as he loves you, but… at this point I'd take that. I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to send him back to you if he decided to stay. 

But he loves you most. And he will return to you, even if you never love him. 

And I wish I could find a way to make you understand. He says you don't love him. I can't really believe it, but if he's right, then you're an idiot. Or you're more broken than I ever was. 

Don't be stupid. Just say "I love you."


End file.
